Pet Peeves…We all have ’em. Some of us just have a more visceral response to them. Unfortunately, my #1 pet peeve seems to be all the rage these days, especially where I live. My #1 pet peeve actually deals with pets, as luck would have it, and makes my teeth hurt because, when I encounter this peeve, I clench my jaw as a visceral response.
#1 Peeve: Animals dressed as humans
What is up with that???? Rover has got to feel completely stupid when he gets primped and dressed. He certainly looks stupid. I’m sorry – A Yorkie Superman? A Harry Potter Shi Tsu? Really??? Yuk, Yuk, Yuk!!! It was bad enough when we had talking horses; now, we have to dress them too??? It’s just not natural for animals to wear clothes. Why do we humans suppose other species want to dress like we do? Could it be because we are taking our fashion clues from the people of WalMart with their cutting-edge fashion sense??? Do we actually think cats are lying around in all their scorn for anything human and thinking, “Gee, if I only had a feather boa I would be abject perfection”…Really??? I guess it should be expected because so many of our prodigy are trying to dress like animals…spiked collars around their necks, prodigy being taken for a walk on a leash in airports. Ok – I may be beginning to understand this one. No-not happening. I watched in disbelief as some pooch barked “yes” to her wedding dress on a popular Friday-night TV show and who was later assisted down the aisle by her owner to greet her tuxedo-clad poochie pal. The Boss of all Cakes actually did a TV show making dog-edible cakes as a symbol to celebrate yet another pet wedding.
As a left-field aside, let me clear one thing up right now…Yes, our website, Battinburgcakes.com displays some of the sumptuous treats we make and yes, we make specialty cakes, and yes we have made and will continue to make specialty birthday and party cakes in the shapes of and decorated as various animals (in fact, I am making a “pigs in the mud” cake for a July 4th party – go check out the pictures on our Battinburgcakes.com website after the 4th. It will be really cute.) Having said that…we reserve the right to refuse to make a cake if we think it’s stupid…and pet weddings cross over to that side, I’m afraid. Now, I’m all for fun…believe me…we once made a naked male birthday cake for a female stripper; (how did we do that, you are wondering?) c’mon…nude male cake…think chocolate-covered banana and coconut, and nope…not gonna find the pictures for this cake on our website!!! Strictly a family show, G-rated, sorry.
OK – I got that cleared up…now back to my animals dressed as humans rant.
Across the globe, the blogosphere seems replete with blog after blog celebrating website after website dedicated to humans posting preening pet poses, when in fact, the poor animal looks like it is embarrassed and merely enduring this very human practice of wearing clothing (yes, the websites are really there & yes, you really can submit a photo if you are so inclined…I won’t give you the website names because I don’t want to contribute to that behavior, but feel free to Google it…I’m sure Google knows all about it.) What has happened to us??? Are we really so bored with our own lives that we have to live vicariously through our pets??? I don’t get it and I hope I never do. ‘Nuff said.
My #2 pet peeve has nothing to do with animals, thankfully, though #2 for me is like nails on a chalkboard when I read it.
#2 Peeve: People who misuse or mix up two words…”you’re” and “your”. Okay, it has been a while since I was in grammar school learning this great language of ours, and yes, I am too old to have seen the TV show called “Conjunction Junction” or something like that…did they also teach contractions on that show or do we no longer teach contractions? This “you’re” contraction is so bloomin’ easy – I mean, c’mon…prime time TV taught it a decade ago when, in the immortal words of our “Friend”, Ross Geller, [quote] You’re means ‘you are’…your means ‘YOUR’!!! [unquote]. My youngest prodigy believes that everything in life relates to Friends. She wins a point. Every single time I see the word ‘your’ used incorrectly, all I hear is the screeeecccchhhh of the fingernails.
So – why am I displaying my pet peeves on the Kidable LIFE!!! Blog; a blog dedicated to bettering myself, my prodigy, and sharing the things I have learned ??? Because my #3 peeve is actually related to princess prodigy and one with which I can help spread some of that lemon sunshine I love so much. (This one has no effect on my teeth or my fingernails; thus motivating me to fix it.)
#3 Peeve is the mess that is created by incorrectly tying bows and knots on the back of a dress, especially when it is on the dress of a little princess prodigy. Those twisted, uneven, and unsightly knots and bows seem to be 100% adult failure in my never to be humble opinion…failure to have ever learned how to do it correctly; failure to notice that it’s crooked; and/or failure to care about either of the other two failures. There are only two things worse to me (and you know what those 2 things are)…only 2 things worse than seeing a primped and prancing princess prodigy, smiling sweetly as she slowly strolls down the aisle, carefully casting clusters of beautiful blossoms before the blushing bride; only to have her pass so you can now see the mess that is the sash haphazardly tied around her waist. So, I’m going to tell you a story and then teach you how to tie a perfectly flat knot or perfect bow every time.
The story: I have the most wonderful cousins in the world; more like sisters. One of my cousins is brilliant; actually earned her advanced math degree in college. Well, she has a little girl prodigy who is always impeccably dressed like a princess and who, because she is so poised, is regularly asked to be a flower girl in weddings. My cousin, unfortunately, has a perfect blind spot where those pesky bows and knots are concerned though. I have shown her again and again how to tie the perfect bow; she has actually performed the task with me watching, but then the knowledge promptly falls right out of her otherwise steel-trap skull. My cousin actually called me from across the country once to talk her through tying a bow as her prodigy was lining up for a wedding!!! SUCCESS!!! I consider that a very bright sunshine moment because cousin dearest noticed that the bow was a mess!!! Success!!! So, this tutorial is dedicated to my wonderful cousin…now she may continue to call me any time for help…or just look online if she has the time…I am empowering her (and you). The power is now hers.
I hope you both find this useful and that you enjoy it…and, as always,
Vicki
HOW TO: Tie a perfect knot or bow Steps 1 through 3 for both knot and bow:
Step 1: Left tie over right.
Left Over Right
Step 2: Take the tie in your right hand, go underneath the tie in left hand; up and through; bring out on top; tighten against the body.
Step 3: Holding tension, place ties directly on top of one another; smooth as flat as possible.
TO MAKE A KNOT:
Knot Step A: Take the tie underneath, go around the top tie from right to left; then back underneath and through the hole.
Knot Step B: Fuss with the middle part until you get it nice and flat with the ties coming out fully on both sides. This should be very flat against the body at this point.
TO MAKE A BOW:
Bow Step A: From Step 3 above: On the bottom tie, make a loop by pulling the tie up from the bottom so that the end of the tie remains hanging down, e.g. use your thumb to “gather” the tie together. DO NOT loop the tie upwards so that the remaining tie is on top of the loop. This is critical to a perfect bow.
Bow Step B: WARNING: The picture above in Step A shows the left-hand tie over toward the left. This is only to demonstrate the loop. Note in the picture below that you will now take the left-hand tie and go clockwise around the loop; over the loop, around the loop from top to bottom clockwise. DO NOT go around counterclockwise.
Bow Step C: Keeping the ties as open and flat as possible, make the second loop by pushing the tie from left to right through the hole by the body. Fuss with it; pull the edges of the loops, smooth the hanging ties, until you have the perfect bow.
This is a correct bow; flat, loops the same size, ties hanging down & open; knot square. This picture looks funny because my wonderful prodigy had put her dress on backwards and had her arms outstretched when taking the picture and the lighting was really bad. I stink at photography and can’t be trusted to get the object into the shot.
Vicki
PS – Thanks to my youngest prodigy for putting her dress on backwards so she could film this while I did it. She’s a trooper!
A Kidable Life 